he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
