every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
