I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
