He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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