My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
