Umm I'm too high to move.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
