Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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