you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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