feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
