from now on my penis is your penis
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
