He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
