obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I AM VODKA MAN
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
