dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My vagina is officially offended.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
