I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
