Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
