Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
