I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
