So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
