FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
