I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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