I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
