Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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