My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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