why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
