I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
