I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
