i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
