Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
