So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
