Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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