Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
