I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
