never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
