I think i peed on brittanys purse
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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