How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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