that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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