omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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