This is not my ceiling
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
