dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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