Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
