oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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