You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
