I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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