You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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