There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
