John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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