I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
