Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
