you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
