that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
