You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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