perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
